I never could tolerate the smell of fish. As far back as I could remember, the very smell of fish made me nauseous. It still makes me nauseous to this very day.
Whenever I smelled fish for dinner as a kid, I began to feel both queasy and panicky. I knew what I was in for. You see, my adoptive parents would not allow me to pass on this one food. I was not allowed to say that the smell of fish made my stomach turn and trying to eat it, triggered my gag reflex.
I was not picky about any other food; just fish. It was not as though I could just take one bite and be done. They would choose the portion size and watch me choke it down; skin and all. If I could not get the bite down, a timer would be set.
When the timer went off, if the fish on my plate was not gone; I was sent to my room. After waiting there for the remainder of the meal, my adoptive father would come into room and administer a pants-down paddling.
Afterward, I would be sent back out to the table to attempt to gag cold fish down again. Once again, the timer would be set, and the process would start over again. Oddly enough, my adoptive parents could never understand why I never developed a taste for fish because “taste buds change over time”. I was not a “picky eater” by any means and never demanded to have another meat prepared. I would have been happy with a starch and vegetables but for some reason they could not let me pass on just one thing.
Reflection
What upsets me most is that they never even asked me about my reaction to the smell and taste of fish. The smell of it made me outright sick to my stomach. It wasn’t just one type of fish or the way it was cooked; it was all types.
People with reduced renal function, like me, often have an aversion to different types of meats and meat smells due to their inability to filter waste products which change olfactory and taste perceptions. Regardless of my adoptive mother’s non-stop rhetoric about “tastebuds changing”; mine did not and still have not.
Also, I am not sure what logic was being used by inflicting trauma and pain over an aversion to one type of food; it seems counterintuitive. It did not cause me to suddenly like the taste of fish. It did however, put me in the mindset of “just shut up and eat it”. This led to some unhealthy eating habits and weight issues as I aged. The added weight added even more stressors to my solitary kidney.
What was even worse though, was to hear my adoptive mother bragging and telling half-truths to others about their “effective parenting” techniques. They would gladly share with friends and family members about their strict policy about eating only what was served but somehow never shared about the timer or the repeated hitting. Not all parenting advice is good parenting advice.