Dear Misplaced:
I know the feeling quite well: the feeling of vulnerability. For people who have spent time as a child of the system, it is more than a feeling; it is a reality. It is the reality of hovering in a state of perpetual peril while the adults around you assign your worth; and most of the time, you will be undervalued – at least for a short time. The good news is that the state of vulnerability need not be a permanent one.
Certainly, most kids within the system are in need of rescuing. Even the ones with a strong sense of independence can’t get themselves through to adulthood on their own. What shows up to save the vulnerable however may or may not have their best interests at heart. The hard truth is that not everyone who signs up to help has altruistic intentions.
Different people do different things for a variety of different reasons. Sometimes those reasons are very good and noble, sometimes they are more for a need to fill an empty part of themselves. On the surface, it is very hard to tell and let’s face it; children in the system are in a “beggars – choosers” situation. Like I said before; VULNERABLE. This letter is not necessarily written to those who find themselves taken into a happy and fulfilling situation but to those who are questioning the intentions of foster or adoptive parents.
If you have read through my previously posted fifteen memories, you will notice that the people who took me in found it necessary to make their acts very public; or at least the ones that portrayed them as good and noble people. Oftentimes, it was a very skewed narrative in which they “took in a kid from the wrong side of the tracks and straightened him out through tough love”. This sounds like a happy ending story unless you are the “kid from the wrong side of the tracks”. Funny how their means of accomplishing this outcome were never questioned though. I remember asking my adoptive mother if her parents had hit her as much as I was hit. Her answer to this question was quite revealing when she told me that, “I was never as bad as you”. There was more truth in those seven words than almost anything else that she ever said to me. In that hurtful moment, I realized that it was more about the “rescuers” than the “rescued”. Once again, I learned something that I dared not vocalize.
What gave me a true perspective over my situation? My salvation. In Memory Eleven; That Coming to Jesus Moment, I remember the church pastor explaining things that seemed to make sense to me. It was how “all have fallen short of the glory of God”. I found great comfort in this. Some might say that this scripture is universally judgmental but to me, it spoke a universal truth. All are flawed in the eyes of God, but His gift of grace is extended to all. It didn’t matter what side of the tracks I came from; I was valued and loved just as much as anyone else. This was the turning point in my life, and at moments my faith was all that I had, but it has been and will continue to be more than sufficient. I am loved. I am valued. AND SO ARE YOU!
Do you think that I would have discovered this great truth had I not gone through all the unfortunate events that I had lived through up until that point? Perhaps, but I think that some who haven’t experienced what I have never come to this conclusion. Do I wish hard times on anyone? Nope, but I do want to see every broken heart mended; even those who were less than kind to me. We all need a savior. It is my sincerest wish that all who read this will find the hope and comfort that I have. We all are “worth so much more than sparrows”.
Until next week, beauty for ashes….
-Patrick