The fifteen memories that I shared from my childhood are not all inclusive but are shared in hopes of creating a link of relatability for both those who have gone through similar and those who care about them. We all have sad stories to share and surely there are some that had it much better and some that have had it much worse. It’s not so much of just sharing short stories of tragedy and abuse, but what things of value that I was able to salvage from them. Yes, it is important for me take at least one thing of value from even the worst of times. I do believe that God has a purpose for even the most unpleasant of my circumstances; even if I didn’t realize it in the moment.
Memory One: Many Snowflakes
The experience of being separated from my birth family, gave me the ability to adapt. Not because I chose it but because I had no other choice at the time.
Memory Two: The Long Ride Home
The experience of seeing my birth mom for the last time while she was still cognitively functional, made me realize that I knew, even as a young boy, what love was. It is something that I have prioritized in the relationship with my own daughter. All humans live and die, but their love and legacy survive for many generations.
Memory Three: The Left-Sided Appendix Scar
The experience of losing a kidney during infancy and discovering the full story as an adult, taught me the importance of managing my health. It also gave me validation in that some of my symptoms associated with this health condition were not behavior related issues at all.
Memory Four: Port-A-Potty on Wheels
The experience of being punished and scolded for incontinence taught me how to be a more patient and understanding parent. I learned to listen to and prioritize my own child when the time came for me to be a father.
Memory Five: The Timer
The experience of being repeatedly corporally punished over my aversion to one type of food, taught me the limits on sensible punishment. It also taught me as a middle-aged adult; how to have a healthy relationship with food and nutrition.
Memory Six: Just a Blanket
The experience of being taken to school in my underwear and only wrapped in a blanket, made me realize the importance of talking and explaining things like time constraints as a parent. Putting things in simple terms when pressed for time and making your child your “big helper” is a much better approach than overreacting out of emotion. I also learned the importance of not damaging a child’s spirit and psyche for something that may seem to be a fix in the moment but scars them for a lifetime.
Memory Seven: Call Me Damocles
The experience of having both the physical and psychological threat of corporal punishment hanging over the place that I slept, made me understand the importance of coaching and mentoring over hitting. In my opinion, if it has come to the point that the paddle is the only effective option to correct behavior; then the parent has failed in most cases. Relationship and understanding over brute force and psychological control.
Memory Eight: Pool Party
The experience of being psychologically manipulated into possible exploitation, made me understand the importance of what I allow into my circle. When you take on the responsibility of caring for a child, all past associations need to be re-evaluated.
Memory Nine: Happy Valentine’s Day
The experience of being paddled while actively dry heaving and vomiting over a simple miscommunication, made me understand the importance of stopping to think and clarify before jumping to the worst conclusion. Being able to connect and communicate is an essential parenting tool.
Memory Ten: Leaf Piles
The experience of being manipulated and molested by neighborhood bullies made me all too aware of how predators and abusers operate. They tend to pick on the ones that are undervalued and defenseless.
Memory Eleven: That Coming To Jesus Moment
The experience of being saved in the very place where my birth mom cried and prayed for her soon-to-be-orphaned children, taught me that there is a God and He does answer prayer. I also learned that God’s grace is extended to everyone; even to those who wrong us.
Memory Twelve: The 100%
The experience of having a scholastic achievement marginalized by the people who took over raising me, taught me the importance of encouragement for young people. Even the smallest progress in the right direction needs to be seen as a starting point for something much greater.
Memory Thirteen: Miss February
The experience of being exposed to pornography at an impressionable age, taught me the importance of having the right time and right place for sex. Porn and perversion destroy people and families.
Memory Fourteen: Ride’em Cowboy
The experience of physical trauma from being thrown from an unbroken horse, taught me that sometimes there is nothing you can do to be accepted and that’s okay. Putting yourself in dangerous situations in the hopes of making someone view you more favorably is no good way for them to see your value.
Memory Fifteen: It’s A Girl
The experience of being treated differently than an adopted sibling, taught me that humans tend to invest in and prioritize the people and relationships that they value most. Yes, this was a painful lesson to learn but I do believe that some of the strongest human beings are forged out of tragedy. For me, it has led me to a higher calling. Yes, God is not finished with me yet, and even at 58; I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up yet.